I have found that I am facing some similar things that I did in past years, but now I am making different choices than I did before. I have made the choice not to go around that same mountain again and again and again because, "I am being transformed by the renewing of my mind. Romans 12:2"
In reflecting, I remember how spiritually dry I felt at times. I remember how many times I didn't feel like praying, didn't want to pray and didn't know what to pray about, but.......I pressed on, I buckled down, I read the word, I persevered and God met me. Now I'm encouraged by the word to, "Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Romans 12.11"
I fed my body daily but I starved my soul often. I ate as best as I could but my soul wasn't given much to delight in. I wondered why I didn't have as much to say about God as others did. I wondered why I could read novel after novel easily, but only had a small appetite when it came to God's word. The word of the One whom I said I loved so much. But........I made a choice. I made up my mind and kept it made up that I would seek Him out. I did and now I can say to my Lord, "With my lips I recount all the laws that come from Your mouth, I rejoice in following your statutes as one that rejoices in great riches. I meditate on Your precepts and consider your ways. I delight in Your decrees; I will not neglect Your word."
I thought I need something else. I thought if I had certain needs met, for sure I would be better equipped to serve God. I thought I needed other connections with different people to get me going in life. I thought there couldn't be change in my life until God answered some of the prayers I had on my heart. That was until I read the word that said, "His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness. Through these He has given us His very great and precious promises so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. 2Peter 1:3 & 4"
Now I realize, I have no excuses. All I need is Jesus and the knowledge of Him. He has all that I need. Today is New Year's Day for me. I am off to a brand new start. I have great and precious promises just waiting for me to walk in them. I have come to the place that He's all I have and so I find He's all I need. My search and my wait is over.
Maybe you are at the place I was before. I want to encourage you to start now. His word is true and He is faithful to that which He has promised. Do your part wholeheartedly no matter how you feel right now. His promise to you and I is that, "If from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him if you seek Him with all Your heart and with all your soul. Deut. 4:29"